Three Levels of Conversation

Choose this exercise

Purpose: Compare how different conversation modes affect group problem-solving and mutual trust.

Use it when: Use when a team is preparing for difficult strategic planning or needs to break habitual patterns of debate.

Skip it when: Skip when the meeting requires immediate tactical decisions or when participants lack a shared project or context to discuss.

Group arrangement: Small groups of 3 to 4 people.

Timing: UWT 30-minute structured format adapted from the source duration range of 30 to 60 minutes.

Materials and tools

• One prompt sheet per participant or displayed slide showing the three conversation levels
• One countdown timer visible to the room
• Scratch paper and pen per small group

Before participants arrive

1. Divide chairs into clusters of 3 to 4.
2. Write the focal topic on a board or slide: e.g., 'What should our working priorities be for the next quarter?'
3. Distribute prompt sheets to tables.

Say this to open

We often get stuck in transactional exchanges or positional arguments without realizing it. In this exercise, your small group will discuss a single topic using three different modes of conversation, five minutes each. Notice how your body language, listening, and ideas shift as the rules change. Start by forming groups of three or four.

How to run it

1. Introduce the framework and topic 4 minutes

   Explain the common topic everyone will address across all three rounds. Clarify Level 1: 'Tell and Ask' (sharing facts, logistics, and surface observations). Remind groups that participation is voluntary and participants may share at the level of detail they prefer.

2. Round 1 - Level One: Informational Exchange 5 minutes

   Groups converse on the topic strictly using Level 1 communication: exchanging tactical facts, informational questions, and status updates. No debating, negotiating, or future visioning. Stop when the timer sounds.

3. Round 2 - Level Two: Positional Debate 5 minutes

   Introduce Level 2: 'Advocate and Inquire' (defending positions, seeking compromise, debating pros and cons, negotiating trade-offs). Groups restart the conversation on the same topic, actively advocating their preferred approaches. Stop when the timer sounds.

4. Round 3 - Level Three: Co-Creative Inquiry 6 minutes

   Introduce Level 3: 'Share and Discover' (exploring underlying interests, open curiosity, building on each other's ideas without defending fixed turf). Groups restart the conversation, aiming to discover shared goals and generate new combined options. Stop when the timer sounds.

5. Small group reflection 4 minutes

   In their small groups, participants spend 4 minutes comparing the three rounds: what felt natural, where tension surfaced, and what each mode produced.

6. Whole-room debrief 6 minutes

   Convene the whole room. Call on 2 or 3 groups to share observations on how the shifts in conversational mode changed the quality of their ideas.

Debrief questions

• How did the physical energy or tension in your group change when switching from Level 2 to Level 3?
• Which level does your team default to most often during normal work meetings?
• What specific question or phrase helped your group move out of positional debate and into co-creation?

Finished output: Completed three-round dialogue experience and identified communication habits recorded on table scratch paper.

Remote

Run in video breakout rooms of 3 to 4 people. Keep the main room timer broadcast to breakouts, or bring everyone back to the main room for 1 minute between rounds to introduce each level. Post the current level's prompt and rules in the chat.

Hybrid

Form in-person clusters in the room and remote breakout rooms online. Avoid mixing remote and in-person participants in the same small group to maintain equal audio dynamics. Conduct the introduction and debrief with open video and an online whiteboard for chat contributions.

Access and participation choices

• Participants may choose to act as a silent observer/scribe for their small group instead of actively debating.
• Participants can pass on answering personal perspectives during Level 3 and focus purely on organizational priorities.

If the session gets stuck

Groups get stuck arguing during Round 2 and carry that conflict into Round 3.

Ring a chime to mark a clean break between rounds. Instruct groups to take two deep breaths and wipe their table notes before starting Round 3.

A group finds Level 1 too brief and naturally drifts into debate early.

Prompt them to focus strictly on observable data: calendars, metrics, existing tasks, and logistical facts.

Terms used here

• Level 1 (Tell and Ask): Communication focused on transactional data, procedural updates, and factual questions.
• Level 2 (Advocate and Inquire): Communication focused on expressing opinions, defending points of view, and negotiating compromises.
• Level 3 (Share and Discover): Communication focused on exploring motives, mutual discovery, and co-creating shared solutions.