Secret Coaches

Choose this exercise

Purpose: Share the responsibility for group facilitation and airtime balance across all meeting participants.

Use it when: Use during substantive discussion meetings where airtime tends to skew toward a few dominant voices while others stay quiet.

Skip it when: Skip during high-stakes conflict resolution, performance evaluations, or quick transactional stand-up meetings.

Group arrangement: Whole group working concurrently during a standard agenda discussion.

Timing: Suggested UWT 15-minute modular run. In an intact business meeting, the observation spans the regular agenda before a 5-minute debrief.

Materials and tools

• One blank index card or slip of paper per participant (in-person only)
• Pens or pencils (in-person only)
• Direct messaging tool (remote and hybrid only)

Before participants arrive

1. Prepare blank index cards and pens for in-person groups.
2. For remote or hybrid sessions, pre-map a private circular assignment list pairing each person to one peer.

Say this to open

During this discussion, each of us will act as a secret coach for one other person. You will receive someone else's name in secret. Your job is to help that person participate in a balanced way without letting them know you are their coach.

How to run it

1. Assign secret protégés 3 minutes

   Assign secret protégés. For in-person rooms, participants write their names on index cards, which the facilitator shuffles and re-deals face down; anyone who draws their own card immediately swaps privately with the facilitator. For remote or hybrid rooms, the facilitator sends each participant a direct message with their assigned peer. Keep names secret.

2. Run coached discussion 7 minutes

   Run a standard agenda discussion or practice prompt. Participants contribute normally while subtly monitoring their assigned person. If your person is quiet, draw them in gently (for example, 'What do you think of Mary's point, John?'). If your person is dominating, redirect the floor politely. Address multiple people across the room so your assigned person does not suspect you.

3. Guess secret coaches 2 minutes

   Halt the discussion. Ask if anyone thinks they spotted their secret coach. Invite three or four volunteers to guess. The suspected coach reveals whether the guess is correct.

4. Debrief meeting dynamics 3 minutes

   Facilitate a brief group reflection. Ask participants what subtle tactics worked well and how watching someone else shifted their listening habits. Hear two or three responses to close the block.

Debrief questions

• What subtle tactics helped bring someone in without putting them on the spot?
• How did holding responsibility for someone else's participation affect your own listening?
• Which conversational habits from this exercise should we keep using openly in everyday meetings?

Finished output: Shared verbal reflections on practical habits for balancing airtime during meetings.

Remote

The facilitator prepares a random loop of names before the session and sends private direct messages assigning each participant one peer. Participants conduct the discussion using video and microphones. In the final phase, participants share guesses aloud or via chat before coaches reveal their assignments.

Hybrid

The facilitator sends private digital direct messages assigning each participant one peer so both in-person and remote participants receive assignments with equal secrecy. Remote participants use cameras and microphones so coaches can track vocal cues and participation balance.

Access and participation choices

• Participants may pass on guessing aloud or decline to confirm who they coached.
• Participants uncomfortable speaking aloud can coach their peer by amplifying their typed chat contributions or directing questions via chat.

If the session gets stuck

Someone draws their own card during the physical distribution.

Pause before anyone looks at other cards, collect the cards, reshuffle, and re-deal.

A participant receives their own name or an error occurs in digital direct messaging.

Quickly send a corrected private message reassigning them to another peer on the loop.

A coach aggressively interrupts or pressures their assigned person to speak.

Intervene immediately as facilitator to reframe invitations as polite, indirect, and optional.

Terms used here

• Maintenance functions: Actions that support group cohesion, balance speaking time, and sustain healthy conversational flow.