Give and Take

Choose this exercise

Purpose: Identify and resolve discrepancies between what teammates expect from each other and what they plan to provide.

Use it when: Use during intact team kickoffs, operational restarts, or when cross-functional handoffs suffer from unstated assumptions.

Skip it when: Skip for loose cohorts without a shared deliverable, or groups larger than 6 when restricted to a one-hour meeting.

Group arrangement: Intact team of 3 to 6 people working individually, in pairs, and in plenary.

Timing: 60 minutes fits 3 to 5 people. A group of 6 requires tight pacing. Source notes that 7 to 10 participants requires up to 3 hours due to the quadratic increase in cell pairs.

Materials and tools

• Pads of green sticky notes (1 pad per participant)
• Pads of yellow sticky notes (1 pad per participant)
• Fine-tip markers (1 per participant)
• Flip chart pad or large whiteboard
• Calculator
• Drafting tape

Before participants arrive

1. Draw an N x N grid on a flip chart or whiteboard, where N is the number of participants.
2. Label both rows and columns with participant names in the exact same sequence.
3. Mark out the diagonal cells where a person's row meets their own column.

Say this to open

Welcome. Today we will align our working expectations for our joint project. First, we will name the exact goal we share. Then, each person will list what they need from each teammate, followed by what they offer. We will post these on a matrix to check where our assumptions match, calculate our initial alignment, and negotiate gaps directly.

How to run it

1. Define the shared goal 5 minutes

   Say: 'First, let us define our shared goal and quality standards.' Guide the team to agree on one tangible deliverable or objective. Write the agreed goal at the top of the matrix. Have all members confirm agreement before moving to individual writing.

2. Write Take lists 10 minutes

   Distribute green sticky notes. Say: 'For each teammate, take one green note. Write your name, then "takes from [Teammate]". Beneath that, list exactly three tangible items you need from them to succeed.' Everyone writes in silence. Collect all green notes when finished.

3. Write Give lists 10 minutes

   Distribute yellow sticky notes. Say: 'Now take one yellow note for each teammate. Write your name, then "gives to [Teammate]". List three concrete items you plan to deliver to them.' Everyone works silently. Collect all yellow notes once complete.

4. Populate the matrix 5 minutes

   Place green Take notes in the top half of each cell: find the row for the person taking (the author) and the column for the person being taken from. Place yellow Give notes in the bottom half of each cell: find the row for the person giving (the author) and the column for the person receiving. Each cell now pairs what Person B expects from Person A with what Person A intends to give Person B.

5. Score initial alignment 10 minutes

   Explain: 'Each cell earns 1 point for every matching item between the Take and Give lists, up to 3 points per cell.' As a plenary group, inspect each cell and write its score (0 to 3). Add all cell scores and divide by the maximum possible score (number of active cells multiplied by 3) to show the team's initial percentage alignment.

6. Renegotiate mismatches 20 minutes

   Examine cells scoring below 3 points, starting with the lowest scores. Invite the two named people to clarify expectations and capacity. Work toward mutual commitments, rewriting sticky notes where agreements are reached. If full alignment on an item is not reached in time, record the open question for a planned follow-up. Document all agreed commitments.

Debrief questions

• Looking at our initial match score, where were our working assumptions already most accurate?
• Which gaps between requested deliverables and offered deliverables surprised you most?
• What agreed commitments from today will we add to our formal tracking system immediately?

Finished output: A completed Give and Take Matrix displaying initial scores, revised commitments, and an itemized log of peer handoffs.

Remote

Set up an online whiteboard with an N x N table labeled with participant names on rows and columns. Use green digital notes for Take items and yellow digital notes for Give items. Participants place their own notes into designated row cells simultaneously. Plenary reviews and pair negotiations occur on main video and audio.

Hybrid

All participants, whether in the room or online, work directly inside a shared digital whiteboard from their own devices. Audio is shared through a single room microphone and speaker so remote and co-located partners negotiate reciprocal cells without split communication channels.

Access and participation choices

• Participants may type their entries on a digital tablet or dictate notes if physical handwriting is challenging.
• If a specific operational request involves sensitive capacity constraints, participants may agree to flag the cell and finalize details in an offline one-on-one meeting.

If the session gets stuck

Participants write broad abstractions such as 'support' or 'good communication' instead of concrete deliverables.

Remind everyone during writing that each entry must name a tangible artifact, deadline, or explicit behavior (for example, 'Weekly status summary by Friday noon').

Two team members reach an impasse because one needs a deliverable that the other genuinely lacks capacity to supply.

Pause the pair negotiation and ask the wider group whether another member can take on the request, or adjust the requested scope to fit actual capacity.

Terms used here

• Give and Take Matrix: An N-by-N grid where both rows and columns list team member names, mapping peer exchanges across all pairs.
• Take List: A sticky note listing three specific inputs a team member requires from a designated colleague to meet the common goal.
• Give List: A sticky note listing three specific deliverables a team member commits to provide to a designated colleague.