The Unspoken Rules

Choose this exercise

Purpose: Identify common unwritten workplace dynamics and articulate practical insights learned from past professional challenges without requiring public personal disclosure.

Use it when: Use at the start of a session on organizational influence, project leadership, or communication when a team needs shared language to discuss workplace politics constructively.

Skip it when: Skip during an active grievance investigation, team mediation, or when power imbalances make open discussion unsafe.

Group arrangement: Individual reflection, paired discussions, and whole-room harvesting.

Timing: Matches Step 1 ('The Unspoken Rules', 15 minutes) of the full 120-minute WorkshopBank agenda.

Materials and tools

• 1 sheet of blank paper per participant
• 1 pen per participant
• 1 flip chart easel with paper or whiteboard
• 2 whiteboard or flip chart marker pens
• 1 digital countdown timer visible to the room

Before participants arrive

1. Write the heading 'What We Wish We Had Known' at the top of the flip chart.
2. Place one sheet of paper and a pen at each participant seat.

Say this to open

Most workplaces have unwritten rules about how decisions get made and how influence operates. Today we are looking at power literacy as a practical professional skill, not to manipulate others, but to understand what is happening and protect our work. Think back to a moment in your career when you felt outmaneuvered, overlooked, or blindsided. Take three minutes to jot down a few private notes about that event. You will keep your specific story completely private.

How to run it

1. Frame and reflect privately 4 minutes

   Speak the opening words. Give an explicit neutral example: an engineer presents an idea in an open forum that gets ignored, only to see it approved months later when another colleague pitched the budget owner privately beforehand. Start the timer for 3 minutes. Participants write brief notes on their own paper. Reassure them that no one will collect or read these papers.

2. Exchange insights in pairs 5 minutes

   Ask participants to pair with a person sitting nearby. If there is an odd number of people, form one trio. Set the timer for 5 minutes. Direct pairs: do not share the backstory, names, or grievances. Instead, share only the lesson learned: what do you wish you had understood about how influence worked in that moment?

3. Harvest patterns on the chart 4 minutes

   Call the room back together. Ask 3 to 4 volunteers to share one short phrase describing what they wish they had known. Write each contribution on the flip chart under 'What We Wish We Had Known'. If someone begins recounting personal grievances or specific people, steer them back to the takeaway rule.

4. Reflect on systemic patterns 2 minutes

   Facilitate a brief close using the recorded points. Ask the group to look at the chart and note what makes these unwritten rules difficult to name in day-to-day work.

Debrief questions

• What common patterns stand out across the items written on the chart?
• Why do teams rarely discuss these unwritten dynamics openly at work?
• What becomes easier when colleagues can name influence dynamics directly?

Finished output: A visible flip chart listing participant takeaways about unspoken workplace influence, plus private self-reflection notes retained by each participant.

Remote

Use a main video room and 2-person breakout rooms for 5 minutes. Participants write notes on physical paper or a private local text file. In plenary, participants type their takeaways into a shared digital whiteboard or the chat box. The facilitator clusters similar themes on screen.

Hybrid

Pair in-person participants with in-person partners, and remote participants with remote partners in breakout rooms. A designated in-person scribe copies remote chat submissions onto the physical flip chart so both cohorts see the full list.

Access and participation choices

• Participants can choose a minor or historical situation rather than a recent or painful one.
• Pairs may communicate through spoken conversation or by typing into a shared text document.
• Sharing with the wider room is completely voluntary; participants may listen without speaking during the harvest.

If the session gets stuck

A participant starts naming colleagues or venting about active workplace conflicts.

Interrupt gently: 'Let us pause there to protect privacy. What is the systemic principle or rule of thumb you wish you had known in that situation?'

Participants say they have never felt outmaneuvered or overlooked.

Invite them to think of a time when they observed a peer or client struggle to get an initiative approved because of unwritten rules.

Terms used here

• Power literacy: The ability to observe, understand, and navigate informal influence and organizational dynamics accurately and ethically.