Dunbar Conversations

Choose this exercise

Purpose: Compare personal network size against cognitive capacity models and identify concrete actions to maintain important ties.

Use it when: Use during cohort onboarding, professional development, or team retreats when people need to evaluate their working relationships and support networks.

Skip it when: Skip when participants are navigating acute personal isolation or grief, where counting close personal ties could cause distress.

Group arrangement: Solo reflection followed by pairs and brief whole-room harvest.

Timing: Relationship Makers Handbook suggests 15 to 30 minutes; structured here for a 20-minute working session.

Materials and tools

• One index card per person
• One pen per person
• One copy of the Dunbar Concept Handout per person
• Timer

Before participants arrive

1. Place one index card, pen, and handout at each seat.
2. Write the four discussion prompts visibly on the room whiteboard or chart.

Say this to open

Anthropologist Robin Dunbar suggested humans have a cognitive limit of about 150 stable social ties, with smaller nested circles like five close support contacts and fifteen good friends. Today we will examine our own core circles. Take two minutes to read the brief summary on your table, then map your closest ties on your card. This card remains private to you.

How to run it

1. Review the concept 3 minutes

   Participants read the brief summary handout explaining the concentric circles of Dunbar's number (support clique of roughly 5, sympathy group of roughly 15, active network up to 150). The facilitator displays the four reflection prompts on the board.

2. Map core contacts individually 4 minutes

   Working in silence, each participant writes initials or names of people in their closest support circle on their private card. For example, write initials of people you would contact in a personal emergency or call for immediate counsel. Participants keep their lists private.

3. Discuss in pairs 8 minutes

   Participants form pairs. If there is an odd number, form one group of three. Partners discuss the posted prompts without sharing private names: 1) How does the size of your core group compare to the 5 to 15 estimate? 2) If you faced a personal or professional emergency tomorrow, who would show up? 3) Is this number sufficient for your current stage of life or work? 4) What is one realistic step you can take to maintain or deepen a key relationship? Each partner takes four minutes to share.

4. Harvest key insights 5 minutes

   Reconvene the full room. Invite three or four volunteers to share practical methods they use to stay connected with distant or busy friends and colleagues. Close the session.

Debrief questions

• What common patterns emerged regarding the effort required to maintain close ties?
• What simple, regular habit helps maintain relationships when work becomes intense?
• How can someone decide when to actively invest in a relationship versus letting it drift?

Finished output: A private personal contact map on an index card and at least one chosen action step for maintaining relationships.

Remote

Display the Dunbar summary and prompts on a shared screen. Participants write on personal paper off-screen for 4 minutes. Create breakout rooms of 2 participants for 8 minutes. Return to main room for a 5-minute debrief where volunteers share ideas via voice or chat.

Hybrid

Pair remote participants with remote participants in dedicated virtual rooms. Pair in-person participants together. Display the prompt slide in both the room and the video feed. During the debrief, alternate between in-person voices and virtual chat contributions.

Access and participation choices

• Participants may focus purely on professional contacts or community ties if they prefer not to evaluate personal friendships.
• Cards are strictly private; participants may decline to share any details in pairs by focusing discussion on general relationship maintenance habits.

If the session gets stuck

A participant feels uncomfortable listing people or realizes their close circle is very small.

Remind everyone that network sizes shift naturally through life stages, and that quality matters far more than reaching arbitrary numbers.

Pairs spend time reading out names instead of discussing strategies.

Remind pairs before they split that names remain private and the focus is on patterns, capacity, and intentional contact habits.

Terms used here

• Dunbar's number: A proposed cognitive limit to the number of stable relationships an individual can maintain, popularized by anthropologist Robin Dunbar as approximately 150, with inner layers of 5 and 15.