# Use Your Amygdala

Pairs sit close and hold silent eye contact for 30 seconds, noticing their immediate physical and emotional reactions. Afterward, partners share their regulation strategies before a short group debrief.

**Time:** 8 minutes. Source indicates under 5 minutes; expanded to 8 minutes to include consent, safe spacing, and partner debrief.
**People:** 4 to 24. Pairs; if an odd number is present, form one group of three or assign an observer role.

## Choose this exercise

**Purpose:** Notice and name immediate physical stress or discomfort responses triggered by close proximity and sustained eye contact.
**Use it when:** Use before interpersonal communication training or conflict management workshops to examine instinctive physiological reactions.
**Skip it when:** Skip when participants are unfamiliar with each other, when past trauma makes close physical proximity distressing, or in compliance-focused corporate sessions.

## Materials and tools

- Chairs (one per participant)
- One stopwatch or countdown timer for the facilitator
- One chime, bell, or gentle audio signal

## Before participants arrive

1. Arrange chairs in pairs facing each other.
2. Ensure pairs have at least 3 feet of clear floor space around them to step back or adjust distance if needed.

## Say this to open

We will do a 30-second silent exercise with a partner. You will sit facing each other, lean in slightly, and hold eye contact. This often triggers immediate discomfort, nervous laughter, or tension. Your task is simply to notice what your body does. You may break eye contact or increase physical distance at any second if you need to.

## How to run it

### 1. Set up pairs and establish boundaries (2 minutes)

Ask participants to pair up and sit facing one another. If an odd number is present, ask one volunteer to act as the silent timekeeper/observer, or create a trio where one person sits as an observer and switches. Explain the exercise, verify partner consent, and remind everyone that looking away or leaning back is permitted at any time without explanation.

### 2. Hold silent proximity (1 minutes)

Invite partners to lean in halfway toward each other so their knees are close without touching. Ring the chime and start a 30-second timer. Participants maintain silent eye contact. Ring the chime when 30 seconds end, prompting everyone to sit back into a relaxed position and take a full breath.

### 3. Partner reflection (2 minutes)

Have partners discuss two prompts: What physical sensation or emotional reaction did you notice first? What strategy did you use to manage it (such as breathing, looking away, smiling, or mentally checking out)? Allow 1 minute per partner.

### 4. Whole-room debrief (3 minutes)

Bring the room together. Invite 3 to 4 quick observations from volunteers focusing on coping strategies and automatic bodily reactions.


## Debrief questions

- What physical sensations did your body register during the 30 seconds?
- What strategies did you use to manage discomfort or tension?
- How do these automatic physical reactions show up during high-stakes or tense conversations?

**Finished output:** A shared verbal inventory of automatic physical stress responses and conscious coping strategies.

## Remote

Pairs meet in breakout rooms. Instead of leaning in physically, partners move close to their webcams, maximize their partner's video feed to full screen, and sustain direct eye contact into the lens or screen for 30 seconds. Debrief in the breakout room before returning to main room.

## Hybrid

In-person participants pair with in-person participants. Remote participants pair in digital breakout rooms. Whole-group debrief takes place in the main shared video room with remote contributors speaking first.

## Access and participation choices

- Participants may soften their gaze, look at their partner's forehead or shoulder, or close their eyes at any time.
- Anyone may opt out of the physical pairing to serve as the round timekeeper or observer without giving a reason.

## If the session gets stuck

**Participants giggle uncontrollably or make side comments during the 30 seconds.**

Normalize nervous laughter as a standard coping mechanism for social tension; let the clock run without scolding.

**A participant feels uncomfortable sitting close to their assigned partner.**

Remind everyone that physical distance is adjustable; permit partners to push chairs back to an arm's length.


## Terms used here

- Amygdala: A pair of almond-shaped structures in the brain involved in emotional processing and threat detection.

## Sources and adaptation

Observed in Relationship Makers Handbook (page 454). Authorship not specified in source.

Retained the core mechanic of sitting knee-to-knee, leaning in halfway, holding 30 seconds of eye contact, and debriefing coping strategies as documented in Relationship Makers Handbook. Added explicit physical consent boundaries, clear opt-out language, an observer role for odd numbers, and an expanded 8-minute facilitation sequence with partner-level sharing.

Current run sheet: https://unitedwetransform.com/exercises/use-your-amygdala/